Thursday, 19 November 2009
Swans.
I work in Cobalt Business Park. It's a fairly new business park and formally was just marsh land i think until about like 6 or 7 years ago. And because of this there's still quite a lot of natural wildlife about the place, a couple of ponds nearby and a hill with a sundial on the top. There's a pond behind the Village hotel which i often frequent for a cheeky bifta during work. It's up a path surrounding loads of different types of bushes, including blackberry bushes. Mmmmm. On the pond there's regularly mallards, swifts, blackbirds and a couple of swans.
Meet THESE two swans.
Chaz..
and Dave.
They arrived on the scene the day before i visited the pond and apparently were not allowed to land on the pond by the other two swans who were already there, so instead took up residence on the nearby path.
On the day i met the new guys i initially walked past them on the way to the sandwich shop. On my way round the path, as normal, even though i try to be as light footed as possible, all the ducks started jumping back into the water from the rocky bank (this pond at least is an artificial one). I assume their just scared of my manly presence and not offended by the spliff. I get my sandwich. Smoke the other half on the way back to the pond then tuck into my sausage and crispy bacon with red sauce. The moment i take it out the bag all of a sudden its like I'm Dr Dolittle, all the animals either take off and start circling above me, or slowly start swimming towards me. I would share but the sandwich is too good.
As approach the two new swans the bigger of the two lowers his heda and starts walking towards me. Iv heard a swan can break a man's arm...but I've never managed to work out how a bird could break my arm? How? Head butt to the arm? Karate chop with the wing? Half nelson? How dammit?! Anyways, in a straight fight i reckon id kick the shit out of a swan. But this swan intimidated me enough to make me rip a bit off my sandwich and throw it to one side so i could get passed. Its at this point i whip out my phone and get the following action shots of it following me.
I would stop, take a photo, and it would start slowly towards me with its head down in what i can only assume is the swan equivalent of "d'ya want some!?", i back up a few steps, it'd stop, then when i stopped it started towards me. The other swan, sat calmly and didn't move once...as the above shot showsi got pretty close without it even moving.
Why cant we eat swans by the way? (As i write this i have no internet). The agro swan looks like good eating to me. And i hear they're vicious lil fuckers, so id have no qualms with that'un on me plate.
Meet THESE two swans.
Chaz..
and Dave.
They arrived on the scene the day before i visited the pond and apparently were not allowed to land on the pond by the other two swans who were already there, so instead took up residence on the nearby path.
On the day i met the new guys i initially walked past them on the way to the sandwich shop. On my way round the path, as normal, even though i try to be as light footed as possible, all the ducks started jumping back into the water from the rocky bank (this pond at least is an artificial one). I assume their just scared of my manly presence and not offended by the spliff. I get my sandwich. Smoke the other half on the way back to the pond then tuck into my sausage and crispy bacon with red sauce. The moment i take it out the bag all of a sudden its like I'm Dr Dolittle, all the animals either take off and start circling above me, or slowly start swimming towards me. I would share but the sandwich is too good.
As approach the two new swans the bigger of the two lowers his heda and starts walking towards me. Iv heard a swan can break a man's arm...but I've never managed to work out how a bird could break my arm? How? Head butt to the arm? Karate chop with the wing? Half nelson? How dammit?! Anyways, in a straight fight i reckon id kick the shit out of a swan. But this swan intimidated me enough to make me rip a bit off my sandwich and throw it to one side so i could get passed. Its at this point i whip out my phone and get the following action shots of it following me.
I would stop, take a photo, and it would start slowly towards me with its head down in what i can only assume is the swan equivalent of "d'ya want some!?", i back up a few steps, it'd stop, then when i stopped it started towards me. The other swan, sat calmly and didn't move once...as the above shot showsi got pretty close without it even moving.
Why cant we eat swans by the way? (As i write this i have no internet). The agro swan looks like good eating to me. And i hear they're vicious lil fuckers, so id have no qualms with that'un on me plate.
The Old Roadie.
So yesterday i was passing through Newcastle City train station. A beautiful building were it not surrounded by taxis, double decker buses and drunk people no matter what time of the day it is. I like train stations...and a few metro stations like Tynemouth. Anyway. So there i was. Friday afternoon. I'm on my way out after just departing a train from Doncaster. As i first clock eyes on the exit i notice a man leaning against the wall who i could best describe as looking like the kinda old fella who once roadied for Motorhead and never got over being fired for taking too much drugs so continued to do more and more to try and forget about it in a vicious circle of dispair, regret and nosebleeds. Clad in faded black denim skinny jeans and jacket with Motorhead patch, boots, biker t-shirt and slicked back black hair. Long and curly and as slicked back as possible. Sunglasses sticking out of one jean pocket (its October and raining) and an eagle bandanna poking out of the other. A timeless look.
As i approach 20 yards or so from the old roadie he lets out a couple of sneezes that sounded abit like a waterballoon hitting a wall. There's a pause. He studies the palms of his hands for a moment. Then without another moment of hesitation, proudly ran his hands through his already shiny hair and then with a flick of his fingers, pushed off from the wall, spun on his heel and walked in to WHSmiths as if nothing out of the ordinary just happened. But something very out of the ordinary had just happened.
I scanned the faces of the people within eye sight of the man. No one else seemed to see. Maybe they were as stunned as i and chose to pretend it never happened, a tactic i thought of employing. I don't break stride and continue toward the exit looking around for someone to share that moment with but leave disappointed. Until now. Thank you for reading. Though i should point out...this didn't actually happen.
As i approach 20 yards or so from the old roadie he lets out a couple of sneezes that sounded abit like a waterballoon hitting a wall. There's a pause. He studies the palms of his hands for a moment. Then without another moment of hesitation, proudly ran his hands through his already shiny hair and then with a flick of his fingers, pushed off from the wall, spun on his heel and walked in to WHSmiths as if nothing out of the ordinary just happened. But something very out of the ordinary had just happened.
I scanned the faces of the people within eye sight of the man. No one else seemed to see. Maybe they were as stunned as i and chose to pretend it never happened, a tactic i thought of employing. I don't break stride and continue toward the exit looking around for someone to share that moment with but leave disappointed. Until now. Thank you for reading. Though i should point out...this didn't actually happen.
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